The sample rough draft on the right shows you an example of just how much more work a rough draft can need, even a really solid first draft. Take a look at this example with notes a student wrote on her rough draft. Once you complete your own rough draft, you will want to engage in a revision and editing process that involves feedback, time, and diligence on your part. The steps that follow in this section of the Excelsior OWL will help! Rough Draft Example 5/9/ · Common App College Essay Examples – Draft 1 Once, I told a story about growing up as an Asian immigrant in the American South. I told the story about how I hated the tint of my skin and shape of eyes and the color of my hair 11/23/ · Creating the First Draft of Your College Application Essay. By the time senior year rolls around, you have already done most of what it takes to get into college. Years of grades, extracurricular activities, and test scores have already stacked up to give admissions officers a
College Essay Draft Example
The college essay draft example drafts and college essay examples are written by Shania Khoo for her Common App college essay and shared as a part of her guest post for the Get Into Ivy Seniors Stories series. By sharing her experiences and giving you an inside view into her essay drafts, notes, and college essay examples, Shania hopes to shed light on the writing process to help future college applicants navigate the process of writing college essays:.
Some students have a background, college essay draft example, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. For her final essay in her college essay examples, college essay draft example, Shania recognized her challenges with the initial prompt and pivoted to address a different essay prompt:. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
For additional information on her writing process, check out her guest post on How to Write a College Application Essay. Once, I told a story about growing up as an Asian immigrant in the American South, college essay draft example. I told the story about how I hated the tint of my skin and shape of eyes and the color of my hair.
I got lost between Chinese and English, my tongue unable to decide and instead settling on the embarrassing remnants of a product of Malaysia and the South.
It begins with a rosy-cheeked five-year-old that landed in America on a snowy night, rubbing her eyes in awe of the whiteness that covered the new world. If everyone has the same story, why do all of us remain silent? I watched as my peers shifted uncomfortably when I spoke out about Asian American and Pacific Islander AAPI issues. I want to contribute. I want my voice to be heard without taking away from the struggles of others.
As an ethnic minority in the United States, where do I lie in this dichotomous racial divide between black and white? I organize workshops and discussions, hoping others will tell their stories, college essay draft example, inspiring them by telling mine. I spoke when no one else dared to, encouraging others to do the same.
I refuse to be silenced. I refuse for my identity to be replaced by a caricature of cultural stereotypes, because there are two sides to my story: Forks and chopsticks. Ramen and Spaghetti, college essay draft example. Bruce Lee and Springsteen. Asian and American. IDEA: Contrast the Area III Blindfold thing to labelling in real life. the hatred of stereotypes and love of culture. Born in Singapore to Peranakan Malaysian parents, college essay draft example, I was another 2AM arrival at the Raleigh-Durham International Airport, joining the millions of Asian immigrants taking on the American Dream.
When College essay draft example first arrived, I found myself caught at a crossroads between two cultures.
I became self-conscious of my too-thick Singaporean accent, ashamed of my lunches that made other kids pinch their noses, and aware that I was different. It was a foreign concept to me to be two cultures at once; either I was American or I was Peranakan, and assimilating to be like everyone else college essay draft example so much easier than embracing my ethnicity and culture. I realized that that assimilating and forgetting where I come from made me lose myself in the process.
My confusion is paralleled by four voices coming from around me. It feels like that in less than an hour, I felt like I already knew more about these strangers than my friends at school. The rich culture and identity that my parents grew up with in Penang, Malaysia had been covered up by a slew of Asian stereotypes.
Soon after this, I was exposed to all the stereotypes which often lump Asians together. I was placed in an English as a Second Language program because my Singaporean accent was just slightly too thick for Americans to understand; English was my first language. I became self-conscious that my hair was jet black, wishing that it was actually strawberry blonde like my blindfolded partners had thought. Being Asian felt like a curse, and I hated being burdened by the expectations to be smart, the bullying of ignorant children, and constantly being misidentified as Chinese.
When the blindfolds took away my Asianness, I was ecstatic to be momentarily lifted of such a burden. However, as the summer marched on and we delved into questions regarding race and identity in Area III, a class where we openly and respectfully discuss important but difficult issues, I realized that to remove myself of my Asianness denied me of my identity.
I play the violin because I love music, not because I am Asian. I excel academically because I have worked hard, not because I am Asian. I am learning to love my life in pairs: Forks and chopsticks.
Blindfolded or not, I am Asian and American. Wiggling my toes, I fought to keep my thoughts from spiraling away from me.
Earthquakes rumbled beneath my feet and wasps buzzed in my stomach as stagefright enveloped me. The eyes of a hundred audience members burned into me, college essay draft example, coloring me crimson red. My poem told my story, beginning with rosy-cheeked five-year-old me landing in America on a snowy night and rubbing my eyes in awe of the whiteness covering the new world. Despite immigrating from Singapore twelve years ago, I was scared that I would trip over words and pronunciations.
I was afraid of speaking too fast, of crying, of not being able to form a coherent thought. Yet, performing my poem, I did not stutter or falter. I finished and breathed a sigh of relief.
The auditorium filled with a deafening silence. But then, one clap led to another, and another, and soon the entire audience was on their feet as cheers and applause echoed off every corner, college essay draft example.
It was then that I decided to no longer bite my tongue. Working with organizations such as the East Coast Asian American Student Union, I led workshops and facilitated discussions on difficult topics such as mental health, racial triangulation, and identity, encouraging others to tell their stories, inspiring them by telling mine. Through Misidentific[Asian], a photo campaign I started to encourage students to share how their identity has affected their lives, college essay draft example Humans of Green Hope, I interview and learn from people from all walks of life, sharing their stories and lending my voice to those who too often remain ignored.
College essay draft example refuse to stay silent. I refuse for my identity to be replaced by a caricature of cultural stereotypes because there are two sides to my story: Forks and chopsticks. Ramen and spaghetti. With my chin held high, I no college essay draft example feel the wasps within me or the earthquake beneath me, and I tell my story.
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3 College Essays That WORK (and don't suck!): OWN The Common Application Essay
, time: 13:09College Essay Examples - Sample College Essays and Drafts
The sample rough draft on the right shows you an example of just how much more work a rough draft can need, even a really solid first draft. Take a look at this example with notes a student wrote on her rough draft. Once you complete your own rough draft, you will want to engage in a revision and editing process that involves feedback, time, and diligence on your part. The steps that follow in this section of the Excelsior OWL will help! Rough Draft Example Write a rough draft of words, wait a few days, then aggressively reduce its length so that it will be short, but full of content. Print draft after draft. (It’s much easier to make revisions on paper than on the computer screen.) Also, make sure you show your college essay to others so that you can get feedback from them 4/20/ · I could be an inspiration for my fellow peers. I would be a perfect example for all the reasons why students should not give up. Over the next 4 years of college I’d like to spend my time building a better work ethic and opening myself up to learning so many amazing new things, while achieving my goals to earn my masters degree in psychology, and to get a further understanding of how our
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